notsentalone: (reckoning night)
Sandalphon ([personal profile] notsentalone) wrote in [community profile] skyjourney 2020-05-13 10:59 pm (UTC)

[ Something in the look in his eye, the voice in which he answers, the straightforward simplicity of his explanation, that sounds like it's leaving so much unsaid, the deceptively simple surface of something much, much deeper... it stirs a difficult, complicated mix of emotions in Sandalphon. It had not been lost on him how little Belial has talked about his creator; hasn't used him name even when he did mention him offhandedly. While there may not be much love lost between himself and Lucilius, he still willingly, together with Belial, whatever his motives, joined them and assisted them in combating a greater threat. In spite of all their sordid past together, what the Astral researcher has done to him, all his reasons for resenting him... when the moment came, he didn't find himself feeling much pleasure in witnessing his loss.

And as little as he understands or wants to understand about Belial, what he has come to realize is that what he, before the rebellion, has attributed to blind loyalty or some sick, twisted obsession, may very well be a depth of feelings very much like his own towards Lucifer. There most be some bizarre, twisted irony in it, the fact that Lucifer's loss was the fault of Belial's own ambitions and allies, the way Belial made use of it and desecrated his memory... yet it also puts him in a position Sandalphon himself can understand and emphasize. Perhaps better than anyone else on this ship.

And so, when even the Captain in her eternal naive kindness confided that she had some concerns over whether he's handling his grief well, had been relieved to see him interacting with and befriending other crewmembers, Sandalphon couldn't scorn or dismiss her compassion. He has no interest in offering pity or sympathy, himself— he doubts Belial would even appreciate or want it, or see the value in it— but he is willing to extend some respect for that very real grief he himself knows so well, some show of understanding. Of the value of a memento, of some remains of what that person was, of a symbol that embodies them in your eyes. ]


I see.

[ He looks to the side, answering in a soft voice that doesn't hold a sliver of the contempt that usually coats it when he talks to Belial; a voice he has never used speaking to him ever before. There's some awkwardness as he struggles to come up with what else to say, but what do you say in this situation? Even having been in Belial's place for so long, he doesn't have an answer. ]

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